As students settle into a new school year, changes in their moods or behaviors may signal they are experiencing social challenges or bullying.
Virginia Tech expert Sarah Henry offers tips for spotting the signs a child is struggling socially and outlines steps parents can take to help.
Watch for behavioral changes. Henry, assistant professor of counselor education, said behavioral shifts can indicate children have experienced a negative interaction – ranging from bullying, harassment, or even just a change in friendships. “As children develop, friendships change and become more important to a child’s sense of self-worth and belonging,” Henry said. “It may be natural for a child’s friend group to change as they get older; however, when a child becomes more private, easily agitated, or surprisingly tender, it may be time to talk to them about what’s going on with their social connections.”
Reach out to the school counselor early. If bullying is suspected, contacting a counselor by phone or email can be a good first step, Henry said. Counselors can work with students to address social and emotional development issues. “This can include check ins, brief individual counseling, and/or small group counseling if available in the school to foster healthy development after a bullying incident occurs,” she said. “This includes all parties involved, those who feel bullied, and those who have bullied.”
Help your child build confidence and cope emotionally. “After a student experiences bullying, it may be initially difficult for them to talk about their feelings and experiences,” Henry said. “Building routine and positive memories can help children feel safer, especially if the adults in their lives still create space for difficult feelings and experiences to be discussed.”
Create positive childhood experiences. “These key positive experiences in childhood can help buffer the impact of negative experiences that children face, including bullying or other traumatic events,” she said. Examples include having a family member with whom children can openly share their feelings, receiving support during difficult times, and feeling safe and protected by at least one trusted adult at home.
Use open-ended questions to connect. Many pre-teens and teenagers feel overwhelmed by yes or no questions, especially when they feel pressure to provide a long answer, Henry said. “By keeping questions open-ended, young people can feel more free to open up about different parts of their days, not just the parts they think the adult wants to hear about,” she said. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have fun at school today?” which invites a short answer, Henry advises asking, “What was a fun part of school today?”
Know your rights and school responsibilities. Families can connect with school administrators and counselors to address bullying. In Virginia, principals are required by law to notify parents of an alleged bullying incident within 24 hours, Henry said.
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