Christmas is the season of joy and appreciation. It is truly a special time of year. Well, that is, until you start talking about least favorite candies. Something cold and dark rises up in people, and an unimaginably spiteful vitriol spews forth. For kicks, candystore.com likes to stoke this fire annually and ask customers: what is the WORST Christmas candy?
It’s a delicate game, asking customers about their least favorite product. The negativity flows so freely and easily. Once we open the door though, it’s difficult to encourage restraint.
Candy is a much bigger part of culture than most people realize. People’s likes and dislikes are shaped by a thousand different influences over their lifetime, especially their childhood.
They often contradict metrics like sales data. Some of the biggest sellers are also mentioned as the most hated.
We asked customers to give a few optional words to explain their choice for the worst Christmas holiday candies and the floodgates were open. Over 11,000 customers responded. Without further ado, according to our customers, here are the top ten worst Christmas candies.
No. 10: Peppermint Bark
For the third year in a row, Peppermint Bark had the most positive movement of any candy. They were #9 worst last year, #7 before that, and now sit at #10. Peppermint bark seems to be having a serious bull run. All that marketing must be finally paying off.
No. 9: Chocolate Oranges
Ben George of candystore.com, who assembled the rankings, declared he was under the impression that they each had a slice of real orange inside. Nope. No orange slice. Milk chocolate, which he called the inferior sibling of dark chocolate.
No. 8: Ribbon Candy
Ribbon candy made a move in the wrong direction this year. From #10 last year, a spot it had occupied for several years, ribbon candy is apparently getting less desirable. According to George, most comments about ribbon candy seem to go along with the idea that the only thing ribbon candy has only one thing going for it: appearance. But to be a real candy, it’s gotta taste good and the texture has to be right. It’s supposed to be candy but if you actually eat it, well, it is just an awkward thing to try and eat.
No. 7: Candy Canes Non-Peppermint
People love authenticity. When you take something popular and spin it slightly, it can come off as gimmicky and unattractive. Some will love it, but its popularity tends to not last as long. It’s trendy or considered tacky sometimes. Of course, it make sense that anything popular will be replicated and iterated upon to infinity. The candy cane phenomenon is no exception. The results, however, are apparently vile. The rainbow fruit candy canes could almost pass for simply bad.
No. 6: Peeps
The texture alone gives people the heeby geebies. Is anyone really under the delusion that these are actually marshmallows? It’s like swallowing rubbery styrofoam. Then there’s the fact that it’s basically just rubber and sugar with a coating of sugar on the outside.
So obviously the Holiday Peeps are bad. But over the past few years, they have improved their position each year. Started at the #3 worst, and are now at #6. That is positive news for Peeps, which often draws a lot of attention both positive and negative. People do love them, but also many people do hate them.
No. 5: Old-Fashioned Hard Candy Mix
These old-fashioned candies moved up the list this year from number 7 last year. Same thing happened the year before, when it moved from #8. People are liking this stuff less and less. Not a positive trend. It’s like a bowl of jewels that have been around since your grandmother’s grandparents smuggled them from the motherland in the 1880s, except with a negative store of value. They look like they used to be pretty, but are kind of faded and sad and nobody really regards them much anymore. They might all be stuck together in one large mass now. Says the candystore.com candy evaluator Ben George, “It never really occurred to me to actually pick one up and try it.”
No. 4: Life Savers Story Books
Old-timey Life Savers Story Books are moving in a positive direction. They were #3 last year, now they are no longer one of the top three worst holiday candies. They are #4. That’s better, right? Says Ben George, “These are the biggest letdown. It’s not even that Lif eSavers are all that bad. They’re fine. It’s the packaging here. And it is a flagrant violation. Do not try packaging a bunch of normal Life Savers in a Christmas story book thing and pass that off as something I wanna read/receive in a stocking/consume on the most specialist of special mornings of the year. It’s going to end up camouflaged on the bookshelf for years on end.
No. 3: Reindeer Corn
Just when it seemed like the distaste was waning, reindeer corn has dropped back into the top 3 worst. They apparently are still very hated. They were the #2 worst two years ago, so still not at their previous peak (valley?).
No. 2: Last year’s winner: Chocolate Covered Cherry Cordials
Why do chocolate cherry cordials fail so miserably? Chocolate is good, yes. Cherries are good, of course. As with many things in life, it’s all in the execution. Sometimes a surprise in the middle is a good thing. This is not one of those times. What in the name of all that is holy is that nasty watery sugar liquid seeping out from the inside? It’s just weird, and gooey in a totally creepy way. In order to eat these without A) spilling nasty candy juice on yourself B) having to look at the inside of this vile creation and C) having anyone associate you with the nasty dripping chocolate thing you’re eating, you have to pop this whole thing in your mouth at once.
How many times can you tolerate a whole cherry cordial in your mouth? Once? Maybe.
No. 1: Christmas Nougat
Oh well, Christmas nougat candies thought they finally had some momentum. Last year, as the runner up, it was the first time in 3 years nougat candies weren’t #1. There was hope. That hope has faded now.
The peppermint nougat candies have a fundamental problem. It seems they are thought of by many to have a flavor that is inconsistent with expectations for a nougat candy. Chewy texture suggests to many a rich caramel or chocolate experience. Maybe the minty flavor is just at odds with what your brain expects. Brain-mouth dissonance?
Also, some iterations do look like a poker chip that you can only cash in for sadness. Others look like a 1950s Jello party gone horribly wrong. The consistency at first is slightly resistant to the bite down and then accelerating into soft and gooey acceptance and then instant regret.
The stick-to-your-teeth factor is suborbital. So you end up moving your jaws in as many different directions as they’ll go to try and unstick the darned thing. Then that flavor hits. Oh man. That false minty flavor that gives you a little twinge in your brain and makes you aware again that your gag reflex is still working. Seriously the WORST!
