Steve Huppert
Columnist
hupps440@aol.com
I was married for 37 years before my wife, Janice, passed away. I knew then and I know today I was a lucky man. It is hard to put up with someone like me, but she did. I continue to miss her.
I recently decided to try computer dating. This was the result I had:
Something that is not that new but has been evolving is computer dating. I don’t know what the statistics are, but I would not be surprised if 30 percent of the online dating arrangements have created some type of long-term relationship.
Recently, I got involved in online dating through a computer company. They had a list of women who were interested in dating and possible a long-term arrangement, which sounded good to me.
I looked over the list and saw someone who I might be interested in having a relationship with, so I called her and set up a time to meet. Unfortunately, for me, the lady lived 100 miles away. For an old man like me that is a long drive, particularly at night.
I called her back and told her the situation. She replied, “It’s all on the interstate; you can do it in an hour.” An hour – she must think I’m flying, but she sounded anxious, so I decided to do it.
After leaving my house around six, I got to her house in a little less than two hours. It was a nice home, she later told me her husband had died several years ago and left her some money, which she was enjoying.
She was a little plump, but at our age who isn’t. My mother would say if she was pleasantly plump with a nice smile that was everything. So, I was ahead of the game.
I could see from the beginning this lady thought Trump was going to change the world. I also felt he was going to be a game changer. Unfortunately, we were thinking Trump was going to take us in different directions. Anyway, she didn’t have one of Trump’s red hats on so that was a plus. She did have a portrait of him in the living room, which was a little scary. I didn’t say anything – nothing like having my two- hour drive go down the drain, nothing like having a fight on the first date.
We decided we should go to a movie, which is what everyone does on the first date. You get together so you can talk and communicate and get to know each other, then you sit in a dark room for two hours. It doesn’t make sense, but I guess it takes the pressure off of saying something dumb and acting stupid.
We saw “Wicked,” the musical where the witch turns green. Bing Crosby has nothing to worry about as musicals go. I might be old but none of the songs did much for me.
Going into the theater, I made my first mistake as we walked into the lobby. I asked her if she would like a snack. It was like asking a bee if they liked honey.
She ended up getting the jumbo popcorn and a drink for a total of $18.50. The popcorn was so big the usher had to help bring the popcorn to our seats. The usher said the jumbo was big enough for a double feature, or it could feed five orphans. I was just hoping I would not have to see the witch turn green twice. I was pleased to see her go after the popcorn with real vengeance and eliminate that whole bucket on one showing.
No worry about falling asleep during the show with her downing the popcorn and drink. The way she attacked the tub of popcorn made the movie pretty exciting. I just felt lucky she did not ask me to get her a refill of her drink.
Talk about a romantic setting, sitting next to someone putting away a tub of popcorn in a matter of minutes. It was far more interesting than watching the witch turn green. She did it though. I was proud of her, she had to do some major shoving at the very end of the movie, but she did it. If they ever have popcorn eating in the Olympics, she will be good for at least a silver medal.
She did catch me off guard as we left the theater, she said she knew a burger place around the corner. Nothing like a little something to eat after watching witches flying around for two hours.
So, we made it to the burger place for a ten-dollar burger and fries to end the night. She did tell me that she was going to start a diet next week. I guess she wanted to see what kind of credit card I had. At any rate the American Popcorn Association is going to suffer during her diet.
As we were going to her place, she told me that she did not get to see many movies. If I wanted to, we could see the Disney “Moana 2” next week. She said she would buy the popcorn, the small size as she would be on her diet. I didn’t tell her I was not interested in seeing a Disney cartoon, even if she was going to pay for the popcorn and drink. (She didn’t say anything about the hamburger).
When we arrived at her house, she said that she would invite me in, but since we were just friends, she didn’t see the point. So, I was back on the highway for my two-hour drive home.
I could not believe it, but fifty minutes into the ride I had to go to the bathroom. I started feeling like a dam during a 100-year rainstorm. I must say the highlight of the date was seeing the sign, five miles to rest area. Wow let’s hear it for the Virginia DOT. I will never complain about paying taxes again.
I finally got home around one. I was tired, my credit card exhausted, and the car was almost out of gas.
I must admit she called me the following morning to tell me how she enjoyed the date, and she still felt full. If you ask me, she should feel full for the next couple of days.
She also mentioned how nice it would be to get together next week, reminding me that she was buying the popcorn.
That morning taking my dog for a walk, I started thinking how nice it was, just Roscoe and me. All it was going to cost me was a can of dog food. Who knows? Roscoe might meet another dog on our walk – at least he would be satisfied.
So that was the end of my online dating. I have not been to a movie or had any popcorn for a while, but I don’t feel left out.
Well, if you are interested in a date, email me (hupps440@aol.com). Just remember, no popcorn, no Trump.