Steve Huppert
Columnist
hupps440@aol.com
Last week the landscaper who handles my lawn was looking over my yard to see if anything needed to be done this spring. He has been in charge of my lawn for a couple of years, so we know each other well, and can freely discuss other things besides crab grass.
I told him at 81 I was having some problems getting a date (my wife, Janice, passed away 12 years ago). He said that I didn’t look bad for 70. I then said not 70 but 81. He came back with 70 sounded pretty good to him, it might be worth a try. Then he gave me my lawn bill of $3,300.
I have learned in the past that advice does not come cheap, so what was the problem with $3,300? Paying that much for advice might be worth something; hopefully, if nothing else, I will get some green grass out of it.
The more I thought about it going from 81 to 70, it would be a big jump and I don’t like saying things that are untrue. Of course, Mr. Trump says things like that every day and gets away with it. I sort of hate it that Trump is the person I look to for guidance. I guess it could be worse.
I decided to ask some of my friends what they thought of me referring to myself as a younger me. I must warn you some of my friends are a little weird, but I just got to take what is available, weird or not.
Two responses were: “I don’t see a problem, you look and act like you’re 70 any way,” and “You need to live in a retirement community, woman outnumber men two to one. You could have your pick. Yes, many of them are in their 90’s, but you only need one.”
I was thinking if the 70 thing works, maybe I should try for 65; now that could be exciting. But I’m not going any lower. At 65, no Social Security and I might have to work. That would be going to the extremes to get a date.
The worst part is I would need to start dating older woman, what kind of fun would that be? So, I’m going to stay at 70 for a couple of years. Who needs birthday parties.
So, if you are a woman, who is looking for a free lunch with a good looking 70-year-old, you should consider sending me an email, so we can have lunch. Now this free lunch is not at the “Farmhouse,” we are talking the $9.95 at special at Cracker Barrel with water and a piece of lemon. I need to watch my expenses so I won’t be broke when I reach 80, whenever that comes.